I was a bad wife, but this is my new life.

It has been quite some time since I have updated my blog. Much has happened. I am currently in my third semester at BYU-Idaho and my first semester as a Senior. So much has occurred that I will share with time, but with this update I have decided that I need a new way to write and a new way to use this site. In the past it has focused too much on my divorce and not enough on the recovery. My focusing on the past will now change and full honesty is to come.

So let me start by saying, I AM AT FAULT. That is right. I said it. Mistakes? I have made them. Stupid choices? Couldn’t live without them. In my past I have focused so much on the mistakes of others. Well now I focus on my own. I was a bad wife. I was selfish, depressed, unmotivated, and honestly just broken. At eighteen, I did not know who I was and was not even slightly prepared for marriage. Within the first six months, all of my flaws came to light and I was quick to blame. Why? Because who wants to be at fault for their own flaws?? I know I didn’t.

Once the divorce took place, I forced myself to forget all of my mistakes and play victim. Do not get me wrong, all of the things I have spoken of before did take place, but I just happened to forget my role. This past Fall semester I began dating someone. He is not perfect, but I will often refer to him has being so. During our courtship, because I care about him and how he is treated, I began to remember all the mistakes and flaws I held as a wife. I did not like to clean, or work hard, or even leave the house. My ex would sometimes come home for lunch to me on the couch in my pajamas. To say I did not care would be the tip of the ice burg. He did not want me, that was obvious, so I just gave up. My unhealthy need for validation from my spouse lead me to just stop trying.

As these mistakes came to my mind, I decided to hide them. If my current significant other did not know about them, he would not care, right? No. When you truly love someone, you realize that those flaws are not something that the other deserves to get blindly. I am not perfect in any way shape or form. He deserved to know.

What I came to realize though all of this is that when we go through something hard, you cannot allow yourself to be a victim. When you take on this role, you counter act your recovery. By focusing only on the mistakes of my ex, my heart was filled with hate and anger. I found a resistance to improve because I did not see my flaws. No matter how much pain we suffer at the hands of others, recovery comes with improvement. Without a willingness to find flaws and improve them, we can never truly have a change of heart and find peace.

My friends, I urge you. If you find yourself in a hard place in a relationship, whether current or past, look for ways that you can improve and find validation in yourself. Peace will come as you find confidence in yourself and you take responsibility. I was able to truly become free once I accepted the faults of my past. Now I find joy in my successes as I work to improve.  I know you can do the same!

“I may not be able to be perfect today, but I can always be perfect in trying.” – Unknown

Two Lines to Two Feet

Thirty seconds. Thirty measly seconds that feel like an eternity. The moment after the test is taken and the couple stands, holding their breath, staring unblinkingly at the small plastic stick. They wait impatiently as one line appears. A few more seconds and before their eyes the magic begins. A second line, faint, but real. The husband rubs his eyes as his wife stares with a gapping mouth. It is real, real, really pregnant, really going to be parents, real. Then the frenzy of doctor appointments, reveals, parties, and so much more takes place for nine months. Water breaks, its go time. From the first cry to the last goodbye, parenting is a divine opportunity to both grow in who we are and gain a better understanding of who God is. Too often couples get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of the pregnancy they forget the voyage they are about to embark on. Somehow, they are to raise this child to be an adult and not break them. Many will say “I turned out fine” when it comes how their parents parented, but this approach to parenting is not what is best especially with an ever changing and falling world.
We no longer have the ability to “keep our children safe” or put them in a bubble the way our parents were able to. Before, the evil of the world could be blocked out of our homes easily. Now with the rampancy of the internet it is almost impossible to keep it out. We were able to live before the spread of pornography really got set ablaze. Our children will not have that privilege. Instead we have to teach them, at a very young age, how to face and react to the vile things that will be thrown in their faces every day. We want to make ourselves the first source before the world and skew reality into something violent and irrational.
How can we keep our children safe of these things? Some may say to make sure they are afraid of the consequences of these actions, but this will cause more issues than good. When we teach our children through fear they become focused on themselves and not on their actions affect others. Also, with this particular issue it can cause children to fear sex in general and when that time comes in marriage it can cause more trauma than being a beautiful expression of love.
The best way to teach our children of these things is to help them understand their identity as children of God and the sacredness of their bodies. Some may take this to an extreme of simply saying it is sacred and not saying anything more, but the best way to protect our children is for them to understand. Simply stating something is not going to help them understand. Without an understanding from you they are likely to seek answers in the world which is where dangerous exposure and addictions start. I cannot be specific on what to do to help them as it depends on the individual child. The most important thing though is that our children feel safe with us. To ask questions, receive answers, and know that they can trust us to always be in their corner if confessions need to be made.
The safer our children feel, the more likely they are to be open with us about the things that the are exposed to and how they reacted. With this honest information we can help them to be safe or free themselves of mistakes that could lead to life long addictions. So, when those beautiful two lines appear before our eyes we need to be ready to make mistakes, grow, and provide everything our child needs to become the adults God wants them to be.

Fathers Create Foundations

On my bedside table there is a small picture in an orange frame. In this picture is my young father in his softball uniform. He, with his head turned, is laughing as my little toddler legs run as they away from him with a giant pink ball in my hands. It is one of my favorite pictures of us. It has been years since that photo was taken and although I have grown, I am still that little girl who needed her father. I remember when he would launch me off his shoulders into the pool and laugh when I could not get my footing right ending with stumbled leaps and big splashes. I remember how I could not go on a rollercoaster without him next to my side because he provided courage and safety. I remember when he would take me to work with him and let me drive the golf cart when he would go golfing despite my crazy driving. I remember always wanting to hold his hand as we walked, sit with him in his chair when we watched a show, or be wherever he was. I looked to him for hope, peace, strength, and love. He showed me those things continuously and no matter how many times I stumbled, he was right there to help me up again. He picked me up after I had been beaten down, brought me home, and gave me the security to stand up again. He is not just my Father, he is my foundation, my shield, and my supportive army.
No relationship in this life is more important to a daughter than a father. A father provides the stepping stone to all relationships that she will ever have with a male in her lifetime. He must teach her to be strong, to have hope, to trust herself and in turn others, and much more. Most importantly, he must show her how she is to be treated. This one aspect of being a father will create the very foundation that holds how she values herself and allows others to treat her. Without this key part of the relationship, a daughter can grow to become a woman that does not know how to have a good relationship in with herself and others. This is known in our culture as “daddy issues”. A woman who does not know the value she holds is one who allows others to devalue her as well. Without a strong fatherly love and influence, women can lose sight of themselves and who they are.
On a more religious aspect, the relationship one has with their father directly affects the relationship they have with their Heavenly Father. Someone who has a strong bond with their earthy father will often see and think of their Heavenly Father in the same way. I was lucky enough to grow up with a loving father in which I have a very strong bond. Due to this the way I imagine and communicate with my Heavenly Father is much the same. I have even noticed in times when my bond with my father is strained, I will feel the same straining in the relationship I hold with God.
Overall, fathers are the most important person in a daughter’s life. We need them to understand who we are, who we can be, and how we are to be treated. We need that loving foundation to find strength in our day to day relationships as we maneuver through this earth life. The most important relationship this affects is the one we hold with our Heavenly Father. Without this bond a woman can lose sight of who she is, her potential, and the great value she holds as his daughter and as a daughter of God.

Listening does not mean Understanding

He stood up before the crowd and walked as calmly as possible to the microphone. He was nervous, how could he not be when hundreds of eyes rested on his back. The topic of his speech, Communication. How could he help all these people to grasp this concept that seemed so simple to him?
He breathed out his first words, inches away from the microphone. The words came much louder than he had expected, and the loud ring of the mic filled the room as many covered their ears. This was not helping him set the right atmosphere for them to understand. A thought popped into his mind and he quickly decided to roll with it.
Portuguese. That is what came out next. The entire crowd quickly brought their attention to the pulpit. He said a quick few sentences and then, in English, asked the crowd if anyone understood what he was saying. Only a few of the hundreds raised their hands.
He continued, “There is a great misconception when it comes to communication that if one person is speaking and one person is listening, that it is communicating. This is not the case. When I spoke to you in Portuguese, only a few understood what I was saying yet all of you were listening. You took away nothing from what I was saying other than some confused looks and thoughts. To truly communicate, both parties should have a level of understanding. That deeper level is what builds relationships.”
It is true. We too often believe that to communicate we simply have to be present in a conversation, but at the end of the day this thought process leaves us with little take away. We often do not remember what was said and the relationship is not built in the way it should be. This can lead to many problems especially within a family unit.
This was a constant issue I faced back when. He would come home from work, I would want to talk about the day, he wanted to just play on his phone. The longer this process continued of not actually communicating the more shut out I felt and the less I wanted to talk. It got to a point where our relationship had deteriorated so much that I could not think of anything to discuss. Like we had become only acquaintances once again. This is the great problem that arises without proper communication. People who have known and even been married for years can start to feel like strangers to one another.
It is not enough to live in the same house and be around each other each day. We have to speak, listen, AND understand. How exactly does one do this though? Depends on the current state of the relationship that is wishing to implement this. If the couple already feels this great lack of connection, they need to start from the bringing. Dates without conversation about kids, work, or anything outside of the couple themselves. Get to know each other the way they did in the very beginning. Focus and ponder each word the other says, remember it, and use it to build your relationship. As the couple starts to build this relationship once more without outside distractions it will filter into their everyday lives with each other. The most important part is to not get causal once the couple reaches the level they want to be at. If the effort drops off the relationship will follow the same pattern. It is like training for a marathon. Once you reach your goals you cannot just stop and expect to stay at that fitness level. It has to be a continuous process to either improve or maintain.
We have all heard that communication is key, but it is really that proper communication is key. Without it our relationships would be shallow and disconnected. It is the very foundation of love, trust, and the peace of our everyday lives. We need each other and we need to feel connected.

Clinking the Silent Chains

Three months… That’s how long it’s been. From sparklers and cheering to tears. So many tears. My fault? Maybe he is right. It is my fault. Gone for two weeks, working so hard, I was exhausted. Excuses. It was the first time we had been apart. Two weeks is long. I wasn’t present. He needed me, I wasn’t there. My fault. Yes, mine. That girl, that co-worker. She was there for him, that’s why he went to her. She was nice, they are a lot alike. She was present. I wasn’t. My fault.
Divorce? What, divorce? No, I can’t. It’s my responsibility to fix this. I must fix this. My fault. The pictures circled in my mind, the description of the videos. The awful videos. I will never un-see the videos. Girls. Objects. Sexual objects. Violent, painful, does he see me that way? His derogatory comments about my appearance. His unwillingness to be there emotionally. Am I an object? Just for sex. Is that how I fix it? More sex? I can’t, I don’t want to. I don’t want him.
This feeling. Breathing is difficult. There is a pressure on my chest. I feel so trapped! He doesn’t love me. He can’t. Those who love don’t do this. They don’t refuse to love. Trust? Never, never again will I trust. He shows no remorse. He is not sorry. Why? How could he be so hard?
Married. That is what we are. Wife. That is what I am. He does not want to be my husband, he does not want me. He has made that clear. Home is so close. The safety of my family. I need that peace, I can’t leave. Married. That is what we are. My fault.
My mind spiraled as I stared at the rain threatening clouds outside. I remember it like it was yesterday. The kitchen, despite being warm in temperate, felt cold and dark. My heart had sunk down inside of me, into the very depths of who I am, hiding, for protection. It did not want to be found again, it did not want to be hurt again, not like this. My trust and the foundation of our marriage had shattered and the last pieces of it blown away in the dust. The ultimate betrayal. Eyes that linger, minds that wander, and all the awful, derogatory comments that suddenly made so much sense. When he would refer to me as a prostitute or joke about adding a third woman to our intimate moments, it was because of this desire that was growing in him based on this addiction.
Despite no longer being married and not having spoken to him in six months, the pain of my reaction to his choices still linger. I have a vivid memory of when I first found out about the addiction, but the memory is not of finding it. It is of all the times I sat and dwelled on what had happened and let it crush me. The more I spiraled in my mind, the deeper into the black hole of depression, anxiety, and betrayal trauma I went.
This made me realize that events do not cause our emotions, it is our thoughts about events that cause our emotions. When I first found it I screamed and cried, but then I calmed and started creating a game plan and thinking rationally. It was not until I began to think of it constantly, my heart sunk so deep and my days became dark. To this day the pain still creeps in, but it is only when I let my mind wander. I have to quickly shut it down and focus on other things so that my heart can continue to heal.
No matter the pain or trials we have faced in this life, we have the ability to overcome it all as long as our mindset is in the right place. With a heart at peace and a mind ready for growth, we have the ability to take on so much more than we ever thought. So grab your mental and physical armor and lets win the war against the trials of life.

Finding the Beauty of Reality

We have all seen it. The couple that throws themselves back on their pillows breathing heavy and giggling. Water sprayed on their skin to make them glisten and random comments of “that was amazing.” From a very young age we are bombarded by “sex” and what the media wants it to seem like. Hot, heavy, sweaty, and most importantly casual. This beautiful thing that God gave us to create life and be the ultimate expression of love has become selfish, lustful, and passed out like candy. Children are exposed to this unrealistic world of sex for fun and grow into adults expecting such things. Even those who marry without having sex before marriage still run the great risk of having these expectations. I ended up being the victim of marrying someone with such issues. With sexual addictions on the side he pushed his unachievable expectations onto me. When I did not deliver properly the insults came quickly. One moment it was love between husband and wife and then the next it was “boring”, “not good enough”, or I “was not sexy enough.” The pain of his comments still cut through me from time to time as I look into the mirror and wonder what was so wrong with me. Why did it get to the point where I would be crumpled on the floor in tears begging for him to just touch me? Why did he push me away and treat me like an object meant to satisfy him? Media, fake sex, expectations. So if this causes marriages to fail, then how can we be sure that our expectations will not be unreachable?
Simple, do not have them. Much easier said than done but think about it. Who are we to expect all these things from something that we have never actually experienced. That’s like talking about how your life will be as a professional basketball player never though you’ve never even touched the ball. Yet the expectations are being built everyday off of things as simple as an ad on TV. So what do we do if we can not keep expectations from coming. Here is my answer as simply put as I can make it. Understand that sex is not smooth or pretty or hot or heavy. It is awkward, weird, and, especially in the beginning of a marriage, full of nervousness. It has the ability to become something beautiful, not because it will mimic what you see on TV and in the movies, but because you will work together. Learn together. You will get to know each other on a mental, emotional, and physical level that is so deep that it will be as through you become one. Your hearts will align in love and selflessness and you will never want to allow anything to break the beautiful bond you have created. It will not be like this immediately, it may even take years to reach it. As you work together, to make devotion and hope your goal with God included this can be yours. So take those expectations built on lust and casualness and trade them for love and eternity.
“May I suggest that human intimacy, that sacred, physical union ordained of God for a married couple, deals with a symbol that demands special sanctity. Such an act of love between a man and a woman is–or certainly was ordained to be–a symbol of total union: union of their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything. …we perhaps ought to render such a sacred bond as “welding”–that those united in matrimony and eternal families are “welded” together, inseparable if you will, to withstand the temptations of the adversary and the afflictions of mortality.” -Jeffery R. Holland

What gathers us here today? Marriwage.

I sat on the stair of the wedding venue. My hair was hard, curly, and loosely pulled back into a pony tail. I had yet to put on my dress as no one had arrived for pictures yet. The issue was everyone was running about four hours late, the sun was setting, and unplanned snow continued to fall outside. Everything was falling apart before my eyes. I could hardly think straight as the voice of my fiancé trying to calm me came through the phone, “We will make it work. It’s okay”, but it wasn’t, at least not to me. The snow was still falling, we had taken no pictures, and who was going to come to a reception in the south during a snow storm?! Not to mention the actual wedding was the next morning in Kansas City, MI. How were we going to pull this off?
Now, after my marriage has come and went, I realize how silly it was of me to care so much. That wedding and reception had nothing to do with my marriage at all. No matter how pretty the cake, great the pictures, and on point the playlist was, it still turned sour and fell apart. So what is with these big weddings? Why do we care so much?
In the US alone, the average amount spent on a wedding is about $35,000. This usually includes a wedding planner, music, flowers, ceremony venue, cocktail hour, dinner, reception, reception venue, dress, cake, etc. Some nowadays are even buying two dresses, one for the ceremony and another for the reception. Why so much stuff? Why spend so much?
Many who are getting married in the present culture are getting married later. This means that they usually have established a career and a good income for some time now. More money to spend means bigger celebrations. So, the whole list from above is carried out to the fullest extent. Finally getting married, why not celebrate right? I have come to find a slight issue in the perspective of some though. I’ve heard on more than one occasion that a big fancy celebration starts the marriage off right. Especially a big, fancy honeymoon trip. Just because those things are fun and enjoyable does not mean that conflict, frustration, and annoyance will not enter into your relationship. These are just factors that come with living with another human being. Even the healthiest of relationships have twists and turns and mountains to climb.
Now, I have definitely put my opinion out there, but there is no shame in a big celebration. If you invite me, I’ll come party with you. For me personally, I just want intimate and sweet. When the day comes that I am able to marry again, I do not want big and fancy like before. I hope for something simple and calm. A beautiful outdoor reception with some twinkling lights. Refreshments that do not leave us with days of leftovers. A nice playlist created by us or a good friend. Just a day of joy and celebration, not stress because of details that do not matter. Where the focus is not on all of the guests, but on my soon to be husband and I and the love that brought us together. Of course, we will be overly thankful for all that come to share in our joy, but love and eternity should be and will always be the focus.

Dating for a Date or a Mate?

Within the first few weeks after my divorce I was sitting on my bed at my parent’s home. A wedding announcement had come in the mail for me. My eyes moved carefully over the sweet couple and their joyous faces. I remembered my wedding announcement. I had just ripped up the picture only a few weeks prior. Was I really to marry again? Suddenly it hit me, if I ever planned to marry again I would have to date again… How could I do this? After everything I have been through the idea of marriage, let alone dating was the farthest idea from my mind. I had been hurt, beaten emotionally, and burnt out to the idea of a relationship. On top of that, who was to say I wouldn’t end up repeating the mistakes of my past and end up in the same situation all over again? I couldn’t do it again. I just couldn’t.
I hoped for something real in the future, but my heart was filled with fear.
The fear rested there for far too long and even took place in my dating life once I decided to start again. It pushed me to be very insecure and needy. Soon those who were interested in me felt I was too much to handle and moved on. Due to the emotional abuse I had experienced, the failed relationships left a taxing ache in my heart that lead me to believe all the things my ex-husband had claimed I was. The mirror stared back at me and I was ready to give up, but that was not what I needed to do. With pen in hand and journal open, I wrote down all the things I hoped for in a future spouse and vowed to become the person I wished to find. Each day one attribute would become my goal and I would work to gain a better understanding of that attribute by the end of the day. You cannot hope to find something out there that isn’t in your heart. I also wrote of what I planned to do differently this time. Hang out less, go on real dates more, go on a variety of dates and push the comfort zones, pay attention to red flags, but most importantly date for a long time.
That was not the only thing I vowed to do. With my extreme relationship insecurity, I realized I was not ready for a relationship right now and that was okay. Relationships are a big commitment and to me, if you’re not ready for marriage you should not be looking for serious relationships. So, was I to avoid dating all together? At first, I thought yes, but then casual dating came into my life.
When people hear the word “casual” in accordance to dating it often takes a negative vibe. This type of dating is perfect for one that is not ready for the big DTR’s (Define the Relationship’s). Casual dating is simply going on dates to get to know others, learn how to do new things, and gain an idea of who you want to be and what you are looking for. It is a wonderful way to gain new friendships because neither party is trying to make a romance blossom. It starts as a friendship. Maybe you see each other often in group settings, find you have a lot in common, and have fun together. This can easily lead to a fun and casual date.
Does casual dating mean there cannot be interest? No, in simple terms, it is a way of taking things very slow and having no expectations and intentions to what is to come. It is very “casual”.
With this new method of dating that takes the pressure out, I feel confidence arising in me once more. As I move forward, I know I will become more comfortable and someday be open to commitment once more. This is my goal. To heal of my past, that I may move forward into a brighter and healthier future.

Abuse to Bruise

It had just rained, the air was steamy, clouds still covered the sky. Usually my joy grew tremendously on cloudy spring days like this, but today my heart was beyond heavy. For the past three months my marriage felt as though it was slipping through the cracks. What was even worse is we had only been married for three months. From the moment the ring was on our fingers, everything that happened was dictated by him. He went from constantly cuddling to never wanting to touch within the first week, he was no longer excited to see me like he once was, and sex was already something I had to beg for. Even in tears he would ignore my pleas for affection, yet I was happy. I wanted him to be mine and now he was, until today. Today I found it, in his web history, staring me in the face. I screamed, I cried, I fell apart. He blamed me. I believed him. My fault. He doesn’t love me. Someone who loves another does not do something like this and then blame their spouse. He said it was the first time, that is a lie. It was gruesome. You do not go from nothing to that level in one time! Liar! Maybe he is right. Maybe it is my fault. I was gone for two weeks working. It was the first time we had been apart, and two weeks is long, but to do this? Why this? And why is he spending so much time with his co-worker? Lunch dates, hours of just the two of them? Is he cheating on me? I don’t trust him. I don’t want him anymore! I cannot leave. This is my fault. I must fix it…
This moment is one that will be cemented in my memory for a long time. The first time I spiraled as I realized something was very wrong but felt trapped because it was “my fault”. For three years I struggled to get a man who did not want me to see my value and love me. I remember just wanting him to be happy and driving myself crazy because nothing I did was ever good enough. As soon as things would start to seem better he would decide he either did not like me or did not want me anymore and I was moved back to step one. It was a roller coaster that made me sick and I wanted nothing more than to free myself, but I couldn’t. It was my fault and I had to fix it. He wants me to care less yet care more. He wants me to do something I enjoy but do it the way he wants it done. He wants me to care about things and take care of things because he didn’t want to. If he was unhappy, it was my fault because it could not be his. He did not want a spouse, he wanted a pet. It took many of my loving friends telling me to leave the abuse before I finally realized that is what it was.
Although I am free now and across the country in the start of my new life, the scars are still there in my heart. Abuse changes people in ways that nothing else can. It distorts their perspective to first, believing it’s their fault, and second, thinking everyone is like that person. It becomes so much easier for others to use and abuse them because they have been desensitized to manipulation. I have found in my own life, despite being far away from the emotional abuse of my ex, I still need friends to help me see when people are trying to manipulate me because I have grown accustom to believing everything is my fault.
The beauty of any scar is that they do have the ability to heal no matter what damage has been done. With proper care and real, genuine love an abused person can rewire their brain to think on healthy levels in a relationship. Understanding what is good and bad, how to see red flags, and how to trust again. As I move through my own recovery process I have found that it is through the love of others that I have made great strides in moving forward. Some of these include, forgiving me Ex, realizing it no longer affects me if I don’t let it, knowing it does not change the value I hold as a person and Daughter of God, and so on. Hope can be found in the hands of loved ones, friends, church leaders, and counselors. If you have been in or are in an abusive relationship, no matter the type, get help. God never wanted his children to feel trapped in unhealthy relationships. It is a choice, make yours for you.

What I do, they will too.

During the time of my marriage a few things occurred that I had never expected. First, my desire for children began to grow exponentially. As a child, I always knew I would have children, but did not have the inclination. Through marriage, I started to see myself as a potential mother and less as a child. Like a switch, my heart was softened and began to ring with hope of family. Second, circumstances lead me to see all of the flaws I held that I did not want my children to inherit. The mirror became an enemy of mine as I saw so many imperfections. I wanted to be the very best I could be for my future children and the person I was looking at just did not measure up. I quickly realized that even though my desire for children was prominent, that did not necessarily mean now was the time. My efforts needed to be focused on working on myself and creating the home I wished for my children.

Now, as a young, divorced woman, that chance has passed until the blessing of a real, loving marriage comes into my life. Does this mean I do not need to worry about what kind of mother I will be? No, quite the opposite actually. This wonderful opportunity of a second chance has stepped into my path and I have decided to grasp hold of it. This extra time is a gift to find who I am outside of childhood and marriage. To build a foundation of individual strength, faith, and belief in my potential to grow. To see myself as a Daughter of God and the value I hold with this title. Most importantly though, it is the ability to evaluate myself and who I want to be and become that person.

As I look into my past, I have been selfish, impatient, controlling, quick to anger, and prideful. These attributes are things that most struggle with because they are often hard to see, let alone overcome. Do I need to rid myself of these attributes completely before my time as a mother arrives? No, but my hope is that I may be able to show my children how to combat these things in themselves by watching me. We are not perfect, nor are we meant to be at this time and yet we feel we must be. This is not the case. A child learns more from an parent who lets themselves make mistakes and learns from them, than one who acts as though everything is put together and wrapped with a bow.

If there is anything specific I wish to pass down to my children, it is to never lose hope. Life is filled with mountains that seem too high to climb and valleys that cut too deep. We stumble, we trip, and we fall. We scrap our knees, cut our heels, bruise our bones, and break our hearts. And yet, the views from the mountains are glorious and the nature of the valleys rejuvenating. I could focus all of my energy on teaching my children how to be “perfect”, but I would rather teach them how to thrive in a world where perfection is unattainable.

“No more important work is to be done in this world than preparing our children to be God-fearing, happy, honorable, and productive.” -James E. Faust